Dear, Dickheaded, Diary
by TallerThanThou ShorterThanThou
Summary: To atone for their crimes, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura are forced to keep a diary by Kakashi! Lots of juicy secrets will be revealed
1. Stupid Sensei

Entry 1 of Naruto Uzumaki:

Today was roughly one week after the 'trying to find out what sensei looked like' incident, and nothing happened so far. So we figured that Kakashi had forgiven us. Instead, he bought us the leather bound nightmares known as diaries. We had to keep them and write in them, and he could read them. Then Sakura-chan yelled at me like it was my fault for being curious. And of course, Sasuke-teme has to agree with her. Those two are like a married couple, seriously. It's so awkward. Wait, I know! I don't have to write anything personal in here. As long as I rant about something, Kakashi would get distracted, and I'm off the hook. I'm such a genius.

-The Future _Orange_ Hokage

P.S. Hokage means Fire Shadow. Isn't that cool?

Entry 1 of Sasuke Uchiha:

Dobe landed us in a stupid position. I'd understand if only him got punished, but why Sakura and I as well? All we did was go along with his half assed plan. But I digress. The supposedly 'elite' Kakashi Hatake made us keep _journals_. We're keeping _journals_ when we could be doing something productive like killing my brother. Oh, Sakura's here.

"Hey, Sasuke-kun, what would you do for a Klondike bar?"

"I'd kill my brother." She went away after that, looking all freaked out and muttering 'hot psychopath'. I hope she's not talking about me.

-I Hate Weasel*

*Itachi means 'Weasel'. On the other hand, Sasuke means monkey. Personally, we think weasels are cuter.

Entry 1 of Sakura Haruno:

Urgh, I hate that brat! He dragged us into all of this with that damned curiosity of his. And so we're stuck keeping diaries. Anyways, I saw Sasuke-kun sitting on a bench, so I dropped by 'cause I was bored.

"Hey, Sasuke-kun, what would you do for a Klondike bar?" I asked. He stared at me with those smoldering, onyx eyes of his and the emo smirk. It was so cute! And then he ruined my moment.

"I'd kill my brother." He'd fucking kill his brother for ice cream! Still, he was hot…but he was a psychopath…but he's still hot…oh, what should I do?

-Confused Haruno

Entry 1 of Kakashi Hatake:

My genin team are keeping diaries as punishment for their crimes, so I decided to keep one as well. Since I'm just awesome like that. Anyways, I got all depressed after staring at the MIA stone for a long time. Then I saw my adorable team's miserable faces, and I got cheered up.

Sakura just walked by me deep in her trance and muttering 'how can I decide'. It was weird, to say the least. Naruto seems to be up to something…again, and Sasuke was still scribbling away. I read over his shoulder just as he signed 'I Hate Weasel'. I hoped he knew Itachi is my good friend, and I can make him pay.

…ICHA ICHA VIOLENCE THE MOVIE! Oh Em Gee! I'm going to reserve tickets!

-one eyed nin

A/N: Itachi never killed his clan in this.


	2. Stupid Trend

Entry 2 of Sakura Haruno:

Okay, you know that weird sensei who wears green spandex? Apparently, he caught wind of our 'special training'. So he bought diaries for his team as well (meaning Neji, Tenten, and Lee). I feel pity for them, but Lee had it coming ever since he shot those hearts at me. The mere thought if it makes me shudder.

Anymore of these stupid books and I'll commit suicide. Well, not that drastic. How am I ever to be Sasuke's wife if I commit suicide? Though the idea is farfetched…because I probably won't get any…until he stops being a prick…which is never…so I still won't get any…which means I can commit suicide…wait, what?

Nevermind. Inner's thinking suicide thoughts.

-Sakura

Entry 2 of Naruto Uzumaki:

Ahh, look! It's Sakura-chan! I'd ask her to go get ramen with me, but she'll probably clobber me on the head. Again. Maybe I'll ask Hinata or something. A much safer option. Sasuke-teme approaching. Should I record the conversation? Should I? No? Maybe? Well I'll do it anyways! TAKE THAT, KAKASHI-SENSEI, NOW YOU'LL BE SUPREMELY BORED WHEN YOU READ MY ENTRIES!

It went like this:

"Dobe."

"Teme."

"Dobe."

"Teme."

"_Dobe_."

"_Teme._"

"DOBE!"

"TEME!"

"BLOCKHEAD!"

"PRICK!"

"SELF-CONCEITED VOYEUR!"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE JUST SAY HELLO LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!" That was Kakashi-sensei. He looked majorly (is that even a word) pissed off. And just because it was too funny to let go, I had to go and say,

"How do you do _that_?" Which made him tie both me and Sasuke-teme to the wooden blocks of horror. Screw you, Sensei. YES, YOU READ THAT RIGHT SENSEI! SCREW YOU AND YOUR STUPID BLUE MASK THAT YOU NEVER TAKE OFF!

Ha.

-A pissed of Uzumaki

Entry 2 of Sasuke Uchiha:

I hate Naruto. I hate Naruto almost as much as I hate Itachi. Which is an achievement, since I hate no one as much as I hate Itachi.

He got us tied to the blocks of wood. _Again._ Seriously, I just stated the truth. So did he, to some extent. He's mad I aced the bitch class. Serves him right. I have nothing to do now. At least Sakura found us and untied us. Then she gave us some food. I swear, someday she could open her own restaurant. And it would be wayyy better than Ichiraku's.

Hi, Sensei. Did I mention that you are a dickhead? Yeah. Bye!

-Sincerely Sasuke

I have no clue why I just wrote that. Great. It's in pen. Now I have to deal with more crap just because I don't feel like tearing the page out and rewriting my entry.

Bored now. I'm gonna go bother Itachi and hopefully kill him. I still owe him one from the time he almost made me barf. He told Haha-ue that I loved sweets. I detest sweets. I detest sweets so much that it's almost on the same level as my hate for the Weasel. Look! A weasel!

Mode: kill Itachi and all things related to him.

Later.

-the Avenger

Entry 2 of Hatake Kakashi:

Admittedly, the journal thing wasn't that good of an idea. I mean, I'd rather not know what goes on in my students' messed up minds. Why'd I accept them again? I forgot.

To start my _marvelous_ day, Sasuke and Naruto had a scream fest. I tied them both to logs.

The Third Hokage started yelling after I was an hour late because I got caught up helping an old lady. Of course, the one time the excuse is real, he blows up. He gave me a B mission because he was so pissed. I was looking forward to the S mission in Tea Country. They got good scenery. And good tea and dango.

I got back five hours later from killing a bunch of evil dudes. Then of course, I fall asleep against a comfy bamboo wall.

When I woke up, a bunch of people were kicking me. It turned out the bamboo wall was the ladies' bath house and they thought I was perving. Then they said that some old dude with white hair was here a lot so they thought I was him after I finally convinced them I was just exhausted after a mission. I had to show them the blood on my clothes to convince them.

I'm sad now. I don't like my apartment.

You know, I somewhat feel bad for all the trouble we gave Minato-sensei; us three always tortured him. Some of it was on purpose. Like that one time when we managed to get him drunk and hung him from a tree. The tree was right outside Kushina-sensei's window. She butchered him.

Ah, the good days. Wah. Now I feel old for reminiscing.

-Kakashi


	3. Stupid Stamina

Entry 3 of Naruto Uzumaki:

First off, I'll make one thing clear; it's not like I was all like 'hey, Kyuubi, come reside in me. No worries, you can take over at any given time!' Second off, even if I'm benefiting (stamina, super fast healing, strength) from the crazed fox, I'd rather he lived somewhere else. I mean, I'm occupied as it is without a gnarly voice talking to me, trying to lead me astray. Urgh…now I see why Sasuke is emo.

HAHA EMO BOY!

So of course, it wasn't my fault that Sasuke and Sakura-chan decided that team training was beneficial for everyone. And it also wasn't my fault that they didn't know what huge reserves I had. Equally, it wasn't my fault hat they _had_ to keep up with me til the very end.

Are you reading this sensei? Cause if you are, I'm making the incident clear to you. So you can't blame me. Sasuke-teme and Sakura-chan tried to keep up with me and stubbornly refused to back off. That is why they are now in the hospital for minor chakra depletion. Yes, I KNOW it can kill them. YOU try telling the Teme that he can't keep up with your chakra reserves without giving away you contain the Kyuubi! See, I was following your stupid orders!

-Pissed off Future Hokage

P.S. When I'm Hokage in the future, just for that, I'm passing a law that pervy mangas can't be in Konoha

Entry 3 of Sasuke Uchiha:

Ugh…tired…Sensei, is it okay if I just stop now? Yeah, thanks.

-Tired Uchiha

P.S. Remind me to never train with the damned Stamina Freak again

Entry 3 of Sakura Haruno:

God I'm tired…sheesh, how can Naruto have such energy? I mean, even most Jonin would…yeah, definitely something off with that…

-Skeptical Haruno

P.S. I'm tired…but I can still think!

Entry 3 of Kakashi Hatake:

Ahh, it looks like Chibi Haruno-chan has stumbled upon something, does it not, Itachi-kun?

_Hmph. Do not trouble me with your petty gossip._

Saa…cold as ever Taicho.

_Annoying as ever, Hatake._

Since when have we been on last name terms?

_Since when have you addressed me with respect?_

…Touché, my Weasel friend.

_Weasel?_

Chibi Otouto's choice of words, though I get the feeling you're not surpised.

_Tch. Otouto has a long way to go. _

Say, Itachi-kun, how about another bet?

_You're on, Kakashi._

*whispers*

_Kakashi. We are right across from each other. Why do you persist in such meaningless frivolity? _

_Wait. What? Kakashi—she'd kill us!_

Not if we escape first.

_But—she_

Shy, Itachi-kun?

_No! It's immoral to…_

Come on, you _know _you want to!

…_I shall say this; Jiraya's position as chief pervert is threatened by you. _

Iiiiitaaaaaaaaaccccchiiiii…

_If we get caught, this is your fault. _

-Signed, happy Kaka and Threatened Tachi

A/N: Gasp, what are they planning? And will Sasuke and Sakura be alright? Yeah, we're just being dramatic…but…YOU SHALL FIND OUT LATER!

Alright; translation time!

Chibi: little, cute, whatever.

Kun: an endearment used in affection, usually attached after a male's name. In some cases, it is used after a female's, usually if the user is being respectful, or because the female has a male name. In Kakashi's case, he uses it in a cajoling, demeaning way.

Otouto: Little brother.

Saa: Japanese equivalent of 'ahh'. Famously used by a certain tennis player…bonus points if you know who.

Manga: Dude, if you don't know this…you're hopeless.

Taicho: Captain

Kyuubi: Nine tails

Teme: Bastard

Chan: an endearment used in affection, usually attached after a female's name. In some cases, it is attached after a boy's name, usually if the boy is young, or if the user is mocking the boy. Naruto attaches it after he becomes friends with the girl. Or if he likes her.

Hokage: Fire shadow

No, we do NOT speak Japanese, but we watch so many anime, we just pick stuff up. Like this: OSUWARI, KUSO!

Inuyasha reference; teehee.


	4. Stupid Rumors

1Entry 4 of Sasuke Uchiha:

The number of my brother's fangirls had decreased over the past 12 hours. It must have had something to do with the rumor that Yamanaka girl told me. Something about perving on Tsunade.

I heard he was castrated.

Mwuahahahaha.

This is the happiest day of my life.

-Sasuke

Entry 4 of Haruno Sakura:

That idiot Ino got the rumor wrong! I can't believe she misheard me! It was Itachi-san got roped into peeping on Anko and she dangled both Sensei and Itachi-san from a tree for hours!

Jeeze, stupid Ino-pig. Now Sasuke-kun thinks that Itachi-san was CASTRATED. Seriously. Even Anko isn't cruel enough to do that, is she?

She isn't is she?

-Sakura

Entry 4 of Naruto:

Uh, I think I'm the only one that didn't hear about the rumor. I mean, what rumor? I swear rumors here run faster than Bushy-Brow's sensei! Wait hang on, Older Teme and Sensei–were they just dangling from a cliff?

Oh holy shit they WERE! No way that scarecrow hair could be anyone else's!

"Sensei what did you do?"

"He was himself." That was Older Teme. A dude of many words, right?

Entry 4 of Kakashi:

The entire village of Konohagakure had the rumor wrong!

"You're writing when we are being dangled from a cliff?" That was Itachi.

"It does appear like it."

"Shouldn't you be trying to untie us?"

"And fall to my death?"

"...What about climbing the rope?"

"Oh. I didn't think of that!"

"Hn."

"There are snakes at the top of the cliff..."

"I do not know you." I swear that he was cursing under his breath.

It appeared we would dangle for a long time. A long, long, time. At least I'd have an excuse to be late for my mission.

A/N: Anko is scary...and no. Itachi is not castrated.


End file.
